Tetherdown Trundlers Cricket Club

Scorecard

Tetherdown Trundlers Cricket Club v Pimlico Strollers CC on Sun 04 Sep 2016 at 1.30 pm
Tetherdown Trundlers Cricket Club Won 8 wickets - glorious!

Match report Which is preferable: to stroll or to trundle?
What criteria should we use to judge this knotty problem? The relative speed of each? The muscle efficiency? The aesthetics? And over what time should we make the judgement: is a stroll the preferred method of travel for the insouciant hare, whilst a trundle will ultimately win out for the tenacious tortoise?
Or is this search for pre-eminence flawed? Perhaps, rather than rivals, strolling and trundling are complementary. The enterprise of getting there is the over-arching goal. Sometimes a stroll is suitable; but at other times a trundle is tops.
In a Clarksonian twist, all I know is that...the Tetherdown Trundlers and the Pimlico Strollers served up a true feast of a cricket match on Sunday, 4 September down at North Middlesex. What's more is that, in a departure from normal, some of the tastiest morsels were actually cricketing achievements rather than the amuse bouches of slapstick.
The Muswell Maidens were to have been our oppo, but they had to pull out on the basis there were insufficient maidens in Muswell Hill - alarming news to those of us with daughters. The Skipper's reflexes were as sharp as ever though, and he quickly replaced the indisposed maidens with the Pimlico Strollers. The Strollers are new opposition to us, despite being regular frequenters of Shepherd's Cot. Their name commemorates a party in Pimlico held to celebrate the move of a piano from one place to another, although no one seems absolutely sure the move actually happened. They have added the sobriquet "strollers", in a nod perhaps to the way many of them approach the quick(ish?) single. Certainly, some of their waistlines suggest a hunger for the finer things in life, although their proclivity for putting bits of Greek on the backs of their shirts does hint at an enthusiasm for the kind of chavvish tendencies that will end up with each of them tattooing his mother's birth date in Roman numerals onto his bum cheeks.
Ad lost the toss, and we found ourselves bowling. It was cloudy, but warm: perfect conditions for our powerful Kiwi left-harmer to hoop the ball around the Strollers' openers' defences.
Aaagh! Where was he? The truth was Olly was still in his thong(s?), lying on his German beach towel, soaking up the last of his holiday sun. And he wasn't the only leading Trundlers bowler unable to serve up his usual magic: Guy was laid-up suffering from a bug affecting his urinary tract picked up on a recent trip to Russia (???), and Adam's bum and Sam's shoulder meant neither of them could ply their skills either.
Happily Mighty Achilles and Binnsiman were able to share the new ball. They quickly disposed of Mr Couldrey but also experienced the Strollers' preference for peppering the boundary, rather than doing any running. Mr Callam, a former county player - admittedly for Scotland's Stirling County, but a lot better than most of us nonethless - was particularly aggressive. But keeper and spiritual co-leader Steve, eschewing concerns for his personal safety, decided to stand up to our opening bowlers and thereby curtailed Callam's most expansive excursions up the track. Liam then bowled a full-length straight one and had Jock McHaggis pinned lbw.
Change bowlers Marcus et moi then carried on the good work...provided, in my case, that the batter was right-handed (note to self: work to be done on my line to left-handers!), and quite quickly the Strollers’ middle order was left exposed.
Now, attentive readers will have noted that I have not yet described much of the kind of normal rubbish we Trundlers are capable of serving up. Ritters might cough to grounding a sharp chance, but to my mind it was a good part-stop. And although the scorebook does show quite a few no balls, the Strollers umpires were particularly concerned about the personal safety of any of their batsmen receiving a delivery anything like on the full, so take that with a pinch of salt.
But never fear, Rob Grays was near. His first ball was a wide wide. Having softened up Mr Chatterjee thus, he then bowled a straight-one, quite short of a length, the bounce of which so dumb-founded the batter that he lost his middle stump. Shortly afterwards the team enjoyed what has to be the catch of the season. Well, most of the team did, and for all I know Neal might have done too - if he has any masochistic tendencies. Stroller Adamson swiped one of Rob's deliveries in the air towards the Park Road End boundary. Neal, diligently patrolling the ropes, was perfectly placed to snaffle the catch and readied himself. Now, you are never going to believe this of a Trundler...but somehow Neal's hands missed the ball. Disaster. Averted...because by some extraordinary chance Neal's testicles somehow came to the rescue. Ball met balls, and the latter somehow separated but only sufficiently for the red leather-coated cork to get lodged between them. Neal, doubled-up in agony, sank to his knees momentarily before flinging his arms to the ground, utterly winded. One, two, three...suddenly the ball squirted out behind our fallen hero. Immediately a vitally important question came to mind, but it was not (1) was Neal hurt? (2) would his balls ever recover? Or (3) would anyone offer to try and triage the pain? Instead, we were all inwardly calculating whether the period between the ball impacting upon Neal's nether regions and squirting out behind him was sufficient for any of us to claim that he had had the ball under control. Well, we were either doing that, or we were lying on our backs kicking our legs in the air in delirious laughter.
Forever onward, when attired in Trundlers whites, Neal shall be addressed as Buster, in honour of the Viz character.
The Strollers' innings thereafter petered out, although its demise was fractionally delayed by Ad narrowly missing a dolly off Ritters and then passing up the opportunity to run out the dumb-struck beneficiary of his generosity by hurling his throw in at least ten feet above the wicket keepers' outstretched hands.
The target was 170, to be scored off 35 overs. So achievable, provided Callam was not as good at bowling as he was at batting.
Mighty Achilles and the Skipper marched to the crease to get us going.
They were accompanied by me, to run for Ad. This will be the last time I mention me, and I am only doing so now, and now drawing attention to the fact there are no further references to me, to prove that I can run for a teammate and nothing untoward happens as a result. So there!
Liam was a bit more respectful of a decent, but not bekilted, Strollers attack, but Ad quickly found his range just backward of third man, before tickling a catch to backward square leg. Duncan came and went, and then Steve strode to the wicket.
Now, at this point it is worth digressing. North London one-up manship is the art of the tasteful demonstration of cultural superiority. We eschew the vulgarities of Holland Park supercars, ownership of big cats that should be prowling the Ngorongoro crater, and even flexing our bulging biceps. Steve completely one-upped the Strollers by having our cricketing exploits on the day immortalised on canvas by an eminent artist. The Strollers cannot fail to have been intimidated by Steve’s confidence that our skills were worthy of such treatment. And so it came to be that Peter Spens was to be found at long leg, easel out, dabbing away. Steve had commissioned him to capture our game, with all its ball-busting moments and general bonhomie. Peter, never one to bite the hand that feeds him, decided to depict Steve (a) keeping, (b) batting, (c) umpiring and - in a part of the painting that really does demand an 18 certificate for its articulation of something jaw-droppingly distasteful - (d) bowling. Now, of course, not all of these things happened at once, but Peter is an interpreter. His story is that Trundlers cricket is a spectacle. Every depiction of Steve was to make North Midd a theatre, every noise louder, every action sharper. Peter defines space with partial marks to creater the chaotic, passionate madness that is Trundlers cricket. Details are sparse but there is something of the sublime about it - the urgency is almost intimidating. Our reaction is active. [Editor's note: I apologise; somehow the introduction to Peter's new gallery brochure seems to have got confused with the text of this match report.]
Perhaps because he knew he was to be captured in oils, Steve's innings had something of the sublime about it. His urgency was passionate and intimidating.
We cantered to our target, and Steve brought up a superlative 50 with about ten still to get. We were in total control, and there was only one itsy bitsy problem: Steve had to wrestle with what we know as "Liam's Dilemma". Regular readers of Trundlers' exploits will be able to cast their minds back to the first iteration of this phenomenon described in Olly's report of a game in Corfu last year. To recap that day: Liam and Guy had taken us to about ten short of a glorious win. Both were also approaching serious personal landmarks - Liam was about seven short of a fifty and Guy about 12 short of a maiden ton. Those of us lucky enough to be there witnessed excruciating self-denial by Liam as he eschewed many opportunities to score and thereby secure personal and team glory. His monk-like behaviour meant that Guy could get to his ton by hoisting consecutive sixes when he was next on strike.
Well, ironically Steve found himself confronting Liam's Dilemma, with Liam now the potential beneficiary. Steve regularly dead-batted inviting titbits back to the bowlers, as Liam eked out the last few runs. Liam got to 47 before the scumbag bowler bowled a ball so wide that it eluded both the keeper and the fielder patrolling the boundary behind him and thereby conceded the winning runs.
So, could either of Steve's or Liam's innings be described as a stroll or a trundle? In truth, I think neither epithet truly encapsulates the batsmanship both demonstrated. They are true Trundlers legends.
For those interested, I am not sure Neal either strolled or trundled home. His gait looked pretty painful, whatever it was!

A Safe Pair
(Neal takes a catch in an unorthodox manner)
The ball was hit quite cleanly, flying like a jet-powered engine
Our fielder to his own cost paying less than due attention
It screamed now like a rocket; with a dull thud harshly smote him
transferring all momentum to our poor old Neal’s scrotum
The fieldsman’s eyes bulged sharply; he lay face down on the green
Far off in the club house no one heard his muffled scream
The scorer looked up briefly at this strange unfolding spectacle
Entirely none the wiser to Neal’s battered mis-shaped testicle
His team mates looked on nervously, the call of “catch it” ringing
Had it grounded or been taken? (The batsmen’s head was shaking).
Like a phoenix from the ashes then; the cherry born again
With moistened eyes he held it high; ignored the crushing pain.
Some comfort then for Robinson, although the hurt unhoped-for,
was that with such manly actions, we had now dismissed their opener.
Imagine then the pride he feels, a trundler heavyweight
Despite the fact he hobbles now, with slightly awkward gait.
The Beast, March 2016

Pimlico Strollers CC Batting
Player name RunsMB4s6sSR
extras
TOTAL :
 
for 10 wickets
0
170 (34.0 overs)		     
Richardson b  Kohler 24
Couldrey ct  Colley 0
Culham lbw  Colley 17
Morgan b  Gordon 14
Ghosh lbw  Gordon 20
Chatterjee b  Grays 1
Adamson ct  Grays 33
Parikh ct  Grays 12
Marcos ct  Binns 10
Sewlikar b  Binns 5
Edward Not Out  2

Tetherdown Trundlers Cricket Club TTCC 1st XI Bowling

Player NameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
Liam Colley7.0023211.503.29
Simon Binns6.0038219.006.33
Marcus Gordon7.0034217.004.86
Joe Kohler5.0021121.004.20
Rob Grays5.002538.335.00
Simon Ritterband4.002800.007.00

Tetherdown Trundlers Cricket Club TTCC 1st XI Batting
Player Name RMB4s6sSRCatchesStumpingsRun outs
extras
TOTAL :
2nb 17w 16b 5lb 
for 2 wickets
40
172		        
Adam Frais ct  Adamson 22 3
Liam Colley Not Out  47 4
Duncan Bonfield ct  Parikh 1
Steve Phillips Not Out  55 8 2
Bruce Hayward  
Neal Robinson  
Simon Binns  
Joe Kohler  
Simon Ritterband  
Rob Grays  
Marcus Gordon  

Pimlico Strollers CC Bowling

Player nameOversMaidensRunsWicketsAverageEconomy
No records to display.